Get your professional financial advice here

Given my profession in the financial world, I'm often fielding questions from friends, family, and acquaintances as to what they should be doing with their money. I'm never comfortable giving a strong answer (except for "invest it with me"), because my opinions are long and rambling and chock full of conditional language (usually starting with "well, if the Fed...").

Now, finally, my problem is solved. Friends, don't ask me what to do with your money--ask the Random Financial Advice Generator. He's awesome.

That's some top-notch advice there, really. You just can't pay enough for that kind of insight. He's also terrific at coming up with corporate slogans, if you're in need. Try and stop that, SOPA/PIPA!