Sacrificing friends post

I came across this article several months ago, but never got around to posting it or commenting on it. Since I'm clearing out the old backlog so that you'll all have something to read while I'm out of the country, this seemed like as good a time as any to finally post it.

Falling in love comes at the cost of losing close friends, because romantic partners absorb time that would otherwise be invested in platonic relationships, researchers say. 

A new partner pushes out two close friends on average, leaving lovers with a smaller inner circle of people they can turn to in times of crisis, a study found. 

The research, led by Robin Dunbar, head of the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University, showed that men and women were equally likely to lose their closest friends when they started a new relationship. 

Previous research by Dunbar's group has shown that people typically have five very close relationships – that is, people whom they would turn to if they were in emotional or financial trouble. 

"If you go into a romantic relationship, it costs you two friends. Those who have romantic relationships, instead of having the typical five 'core set' of relationships only have four. And of those, one is the new person who's come into their life," said Dunbar.

So, we lose friends when we get married, which is in large part the result of personal choice. What I wonder is, what about the other side of the equation? In other words, what if we don't get married? We've all had friends who either became less fun or disappeared completely after entering into a serious relationship (or getting married). It's never fun, but according to this research, it's inevitable.

As our closest friends get married, how do we avoid finding ourselves on the "two close friends" chopping block? Are we destined to lose friends by the year, even if we don't get married, as our close friends gradually cut us off in order to spend more time with their wives (or husbands)? I certainly hope not, but I think it's worth asking.

It would be sad indeed if we were forced to choose between getting married on the one hand or living an increasingly lonely unmarried life on the other. Is that what this research suggests? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts...

[Guardian]